moonmilk precipitates
somewhere in the siskiyou mountains
in the deep of southwestern oregon,
among massive waterfalls
and lavender honey fields
i rolled down my window
to algebra suicide
and arrived on a hill
of kaleidoscopic limestone caves
where i discovered ancient remnants
of myself hidden
in moonmilk crevices.
the dripstone cave structure,
glittering
engulfed me with finger fluting lines
on clay surfaces,
and creamy carbonate minerals,
i yearned to nourish myself
by licking.
winterwhisper
showered in lace frills
the cotton silk gossamer
twists, unfurling
into sheaths of ghostly
white ringlets
curls of smoke descend
invading the now-ashen asphalt
dewy with rainsweat
a slight steam
withers itself
in perpetuity
the hare slumbers on
the moist mint grass
hail to the town
beneath a bridge of roses
silent turkeys splaying themselves
crouching beneath secret trees
the silken sewn veil
unwraps itself,
as if in an ecstatic delirium
secret music
i lie naked on my bed
strewn in golden light,
shining from the sun
on my damp skin.
neurotic,
i plummet my black leather heel
onto a mote of dust
and my slender fingers
fidget the wine glass stem
tempted by borrowed luxury
and drunk sweetness.
the frankincense coils of smoke
rise and jolt from my lighter's flame
i lay bare,
without a god, peering into
my mirror's reflection, i blush
and drift through visions,
enamoured by the eternal
birth of a woman i almost recognize.
dionysian solitude
staring upon the city
the glimmering star's
immaculate light gleams.
i sat atop the cement statue
of venus and bacchus:
desire and intoxication,
frozen under a crimson red sky.
love. . .
i flutter my little angel wings,
with misty molecules
splayed into the ether,
and that particular madness
that night.
a kind of rot
i was sickly sweet,
tender.
then drowned out, beaten,
undone,
by human atrocities and a brutal insistence.
the gangrenous foot encroaches,
and the maggot wriggles.
Symbol of Thanatos,1
demeaning.
teary eyes,
diseased lungs,
ruddy withering
bedbound limbs,
and mouths of pus.
metamorphosis
meant nothing
under the machinery of ailments.
i wanted to achieve eternal bliss
a flock of social misfits
spread across the concrete,
held me like a dying baby.
political revolutionaries
chanted soliloquies,
maternally,
as i slipped into hypnogagia.
recreational druggies,
publishers & purveyors of the obscene,
brilliantly demented indeed…
art is not a luxury,
no
a survival instinct.
little dead bodies
i was never a mother
but i named you anyways.
i imagined you as one whole
collective,
Eleanor.
four babies in one
fetus-in-fetu2
strange and tiny
skeletal masses.
gelatinous fishy creatures,
hidden,
writhing between brain tissue.
a millennium ago,
would you have been eaten?
worshipped?
sacrificed?
terrible horrors.
i imagined all of you
conscious, aware,
swimming joyfully
inside the one fragile fetus,
closer to pure divinity,
than hermits hidden
in monastic mountain caves.
gutsnake
a diseased alimentary canal
imploded from inside,
shielded gently
by thin mucosal layers.
pressurized
infinitely abscessed,
sloughing in chemo turmoil.
strangling me,
squeezing me sufficiently,
like a snake,
then drowned,
by the warm, slippery flesh.
tortured
by its complete and superior
apathy
to mortality.
gestation
i was swallowed whole
by polyphemus,
caught in the whirlpool of his belly,
sheathed in bicarbonate-rich mucus,
ancient salts
clinging softly to my skin.
living off digested remains,
and primordial soups.
he spoke in reverberations,
rumbling deep,
as i fingerpainted on inner walls
with burning secretions.
i swam naked
through endless canals, lost,
falling into darkness,
off of cliffs made of mucous membranes,
slipping into caverns and chambers,
emerging once again.
i became immortal and luminous
as i fed off his nutrients
like a growing fetus
in a warm embryonic sac.
———
1this poem is based off of my experiences working as a nurse, and how my encounters with decaying flesh reminded me of the greek God Thanatos.
2this poem is based off of the rare medical anomaly intracranial fetus-in-fetu, more specifically a real case of a baby born with three intracranial fetuses-in-fetu with multiple well-defined organs. see: radiograph, CT scan, specimens
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